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Wednesday, September 24th, 2003
12:17 am
Every second of your life, you make choices that affect your future. No matter how remote of a change, what you do makes a distinct difference in what you have the option of choosing in the future. Anything as small as a breathing pattern can in time metamorphose one reality in to another. Now take in to consideration, the reality you create will indefinately reflect in the future of others. To take it to an extreme, your breathing pattern this second may stop someone half the world away from breathing the next second. The realization of this has put me in a rather odd position.
In short, I can take notice of all of this while noone else seems to be able to. It is a very simple concept, but for one reason or another it is impossible to grasp by the vast majority. Both unfortunately and fortunately, I make up the minority. I could fly off the handle right now and try to explain theories of both the scientific and conspiratorial kind, but both would sound unbased and factless. I will keep my theories to myself, and just explain the more superficial aspects of the situation I am in. After all, metaphysics isn't really something I am well versed in. God, even some of the core principals of base physics elude me. I am not pretentious enough to even try to touch those topics. Just hear me out.

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Saturday, November 2nd, 2002
8:11 pm
hey, new email addy. this one is hot :


write me... i can finally check it daily... i still like regular mail more, though. bwah! new mail addy :

Pvt Joshua Isaacs (days)
B Co 447th SIG BN
Ft Gordon, GA 30905

AIT is pretty easy. Not much going on at all here. We can have computers, cell phones, sterios, tvs and games... all the good stuff. There is only one thing I'm missing. Well, someone anyways. Christmas exodus soon though.... and I still might be able to come home for Thanksgiving as well. I am just glad basic is over. It sucked a whole lot. I am alot more confident now though. That, and I am in a little better shape. Regardless, it is over and now life is sort of easy.

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Sunday, October 6th, 2002
6:01 pm
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..... 18 more days. i realize it isnt tough to say weeeee but i doubt many people know what hooah means. anyways, i am a marksman with my rifle, an expert with grenades, about to go on ftx, and happy with my pt scores. i also beat a kid unconsious with a pugil stick. i am set.

thanks to everyone who wrote me. mark, your packet was awesome.

ftx is going to suck. long march there, then like 10 to 15 miles back... two of which are uphill. sleeping in a hasty entrenched position won't be the highlight of my week either. i guess the night infiltration mission will be good to. anyways.... meh. gotta go sleep or something.g

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Sunday, September 22nd, 2002
3:12 pm - smart kids ....
smart kids figure out how to use the internet... even in basic training. i miss so much of home right now. alot is going on here but one person is on my mind.

i qualified with my m-16a2 the other day. a huge accomplishment for me. huge huge huge. i actually qualified as a marksman with a semi automatic weapon. i hit 29 out of fourty targets. all of them are quick fuckers too.

alot of physical training here too. pretty rough. especially at 4 in the morning. grrr. remember when i bitched about waking up at 7? about noon?! damn i miss home.

the food here sucks. it was good at first but not any more. now it is alot of suck. being a vegetarian in basic training is really really hard. i don't get much of a variety beyond cheese sandwiches. them and random side dishes. i will survive though. heh, i am doing alright so far.

ive been here for 5 weeks already! five weeks! damn... almost over! huzah. well... everyone should write me. my addy is

Isaacs, Joshua 127
Echo Company 3/47 INF
1st Platoon
5480 Roush Drive
Fort Benning, GA 31905

Please please write. Mail call rocks when you get tons of shit. Send pictures and stuff.

I have to go now though. Time to go do shit I don't want to and get paid meagerly for it. I will update when I can. Any questions, just leave them here.

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Tuesday, July 16th, 2002
3:37 pm
Overslept summerschool.

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Monday, July 15th, 2002
4:20 pm

The last weeks have been a mix of great and suck. It seems to work in to patterns. I can pretty much see either coming now.

Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me.

Made a kicking early 90's mix cd. So good. Refreshments, Poe, Toad the Wet Sproacket and whatnot.

Steves parents are away, so... sobriety is not going to play a prevailent role in my life at night until they come back.

Everyone should come over.

Miranda makes crazy good food. Always.

I remixed "try again" by Aliya (you know, the dead black girl). I took out their voices and put in this crazy kids I know from a recording we took of him. Hot remix, ask me for it.

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Saturday, June 29th, 2002
10:46 pm

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1:32 pm

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Monday, June 24th, 2002
2:15 am
evilnsweet96 wants to directly connect.
evilnsweet96 is now directly connected.
evilnsweet96: (some idiotic graphic)
blindmeplease: why do you keep sending me those?
evilnsweet96: i hate you you fuckin suck big cock
evilnsweet96 direct connection is closed.
blindmeplease: hrmm, and I thought we were tight.
evilnsweet96: no your mean and wont talk to me
blindmeplease: shit. really, i thought we were best friends by now.
evilnsweet96: what are you talkin about
evilnsweet96: you dont even talk to me
evilnsweet96: thats why im mad at you
blindmeplease: how can you say that?! we were about to ask eachother out on dates.
evilnsweet96: ah no
blindmeplease: damnit. I am going to cry myself to sleep soon then.
blindmeplease: and i thought you loved me.
evilnsweet96: how old are you again?
blindmeplease: 19! I thought we were going to have a fairie tale romance
evilnsweet96: no i hate you!!!!!!!!
blindmeplease: now i am crying. see what you did?
evilnsweet96: no you are not
blindmeplease: how do you know that?
evilnsweet96: you r to old for me and you suck
blindmeplease: well, i suppose it is just time for me to move on then. perhaps I will take lessons to learn how to not "suck".
evilnsweet96: ya you should dum ass
evilnsweet96: you dickless bitch
evilnsweet96: !!!!!!!!
blindmeplease: you got me there... not only am i dum (i take it you meant dumb) but have no dick as well.
evilnsweet96: fuck you fag
blindmeplease: hrmm, so i am a dumb, dickless, gay man.
evilnsweet96: yep thats fuckin write
blindmeplease: i take it you mean "right".
evilnsweet96: what ever
evilnsweet96: fag
blindmeplease: poor ole gay me.
evilnsweet96: bye you fuckin dick head nice talkin to ya
blindmeplease: i'll miss you, youve meant the world to me.
evilnsweet96: ok fucker
evilnsweet96: bye
blindmeplease: i love you!
evilnsweet96: dick head
evilnsweet96: to bad i dont love you
blindmeplease: but i do
blindmeplease: i will love you until the end of time.
blindmeplease: i love the way you dont tell me your real age...
blindmeplease: i love your inability to spell...
evilnsweet96: fuck you
blindmeplease: you absurdly small vocabulary is so appealing...
evilnsweet96: and that is my real age
blindmeplease: do you have the body and mentality of a 12 year old then?
evilnsweet96: you are so gay
blindmeplease: you cannot admit you are an unattractive and stupid girl , so you blame it on me being gay
evilnsweet96: your the only guy that i talk to like this case you are an absolute fag
evilnsweet96: so fuck you
blindmeplease: do you know what "coherantly" means?
evilnsweet96: you arnt my fuckin teacher so y should i fuckin tell you
blindmeplease: do you take special ed?
evilnsweet96: you ugly ass transfestite
evilnsweet96: no i dont gaylord
blindmeplease: have you noticed that if you try to use any words larger than 6 letters long, you always mispell them or use them in the wrong context?
evilnsweet96: im not***
evilnsweet96: wat the fuck are you a genus
evilnsweet96: and if i spelt that wrong i dont really give a fuck
blindmeplease: did you just learn the word fuck? you use it an awful lot.
blindmeplease: i bet you smoke too, because you are a rebel.
evilnsweet96: no i dont smoke ciggeretts are discustin and i say fuck alot cas you r makin me mad
evilnsweet96: asshole there sayed a new word
blindmeplease: lets play a game. the rules of this game are, you have to spell at least 1/3 of the words you use in each message correctly... or you lose. you are losing right now.
evilnsweet96: are you fuckin happy
blindmeplease: wow, you won that one.
blindmeplease: do you think we could ever make up? we could be best friends and have pillow fights and talk about boys.
blindmeplease: damn, well... i suppose i will go shoot myself then.
evilnsweet96: fuck u, u fuckin asshole if u haven't noticed i spell them wrong on purpose cause its quicker u stupid fuck were on a computer not n a fuckin class room u stupid ass fucker
evilnsweet96: ya thats wha i though u fuckin cock sucker
blindmeplease: how much i will miss you
evilnsweet96: wha 2 busy suckin ur own dick cuz ya cant get n e one else 2
evilnsweet96: fucker
blindmeplease: yep. i am extremely nimble.
blindmeplease: i can do stuff like that.
evilnsweet96: oh i thoudght it waz cause u got ur 4 bottom ribs tookin out
blindmeplease: i got them tookin out? tell me more.
evilnsweet96: a nother reason you cant suck your own fuckin dick is cause its to fuckin small
blindmeplease: but you told me i could.
blindmeplease: are you lying to me now?
blindmeplease: this isn't the way to keep our relationship going you know.
evilnsweet96: wanna cyber
blindmeplease: i thought i was gay! you are confusing me now.
blindmeplease: am i straight, or am i gay?
evilnsweet96: ya but gay men are better cause they know girls better
evilnsweet96: ur full born fag
evilnsweet96: u like ur fudge packed really hard in tyhe ass
blindmeplease: you mean full blown fag, right?
evilnsweet96: no
blindmeplease: full born?
evilnsweet96: ur daddy waz a fag he jus wanted a kid aN UR MOM WAZ A LEZ
blindmeplease: this isn't the way to try to convince me to cyber you, girl. you have to be smooth, and seduce me.
evilnsweet96: OMG
blindmeplease: you have to be like shaft.
blindmeplease: just girlier, and whiter.
evilnsweet96: E
blindmeplease: mad e?
blindmeplease: mad ecstasy, yo?
evilnsweet96: YA
blindmeplease: word, dude.. .we gotta go to a club and do mad ecstasy and then listen to techno and spell words horribly.
evilnsweet96: SURE
evilnsweet96: ILL DO THAT SUM TIME
evilnsweet96: GOT PIC
blindmeplease: so, do all the boys in school call you easy... and it upsets you, but you can't help it because you were bred to skank around like its your job?
evilnsweet96: YEP THATS M E
evilnsweet96: IM EASY
evilnsweet96: BUT IM STILL A VIRGIN
blindmeplease: see, now youre contradicting yourself
blindmeplease: just take your time to figure this one out... no rush.
evilnsweet96: YEP IM STUPID 2
evilnsweet96: WATCH I CAN DO THE ABC'S
blindmeplease: i think we have both reached an epiphany here.
evilnsweet96: ISNT THAT AMAZIN
blindmeplease: calm down, this is no way to treat your boyfriend.
evilnsweet96: OH YA BABY I WANT U I WANT U
evilnsweet96: I NEED U OH BABY
evilnsweet96: UR SEXY
blindmeplease: you don't have "the clap" do you?
evilnsweet96: WHAT
evilnsweet96: ?
evilnsweet96: IS THE CLAP
evilnsweet96: ?
evilnsweet96: /????
blindmeplease: you know. "drip drip"
evilnsweet96: TH
blindmeplease: th?
evilnsweet96: THAT WOULD TURN ME ON
blindmeplease: has there been a pattern of sexual abuse in your life?
evilnsweet96: OH YES
blindmeplease: elaborate
evilnsweet96: CAN I EAT YOUR TOE NAILS
evilnsweet96: ???????????
evilnsweet96: PLEASE
blindmeplease: what does STD stand for?
blindmeplease: i see.... you are pretty smart.
evilnsweet96: I SEE........ YOUR PRETTY GAY
blindmeplease: i thought we already concluded that.
evilnsweet96: WHY DO YOU INSIST ON USING BIG WORDS????????
blindmeplease: tell me, does it hurt to be so fucking stupid?
blindmeplease: actually, tell me why you haven't killed yourself yet.
blindmeplease: your english teacher tries to get you to kill yourself?
blindmeplease: i like him.
blindmeplease: that you would most likely look brighter with a gunbarrel in your mouth, or that you will serve more of a purpose to the earth dead than alive... in general?
blindmeplease: tell me... what do you contribute to society other than annoyance?
evilnsweet96: GAY
blindmeplease: calm down, i am just trying to figure out why you aren't dead yet. don't get angry with me.
blindmeplease: you know how farmers "put down" their animals when they become lame or worthless?
blindmeplease: has your father or mother tried to take you out back and shoot you?
blindmeplease: no, i would rather do it, but i don't know where you live.
blindmeplease: well, don't take anything i said to heart really... just find a purpose... like working at mcdonalds... or something janitorial... and stick to it.
blindmeplease: good night.

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Thursday, June 20th, 2002
7:10 pm
Haven't gotten around to writing in this lately, mainly because too many people read it. I was going to make a new journal, but I don't have one of the lame pw'y things so I can't. I won't block everyone because ewod has already done it so well that it is already cliche. Meh.

I am sick. Someone gave me mono or something similar. My spleen (yes, my spleen) hurts, I am sore all over... and my throat just started hurting. I am so bored.

So so bored. I have listened to the same cd 10 times over, and it is getting old. All I want to do is lie here... but at the same time... I find it in myself to complain about having nothing to do.

Turns out Miranda doesn't suck. I thought she was one of the girls in the ewod crew that tried to get jake, brian, and i suspended for making fun of him.... but guess what.... she wasn't.

I go away soon, I go away soon, I go away soon.

Covering AWK at tims show was fun.

Meh, I still have to call wbny about getting them on it.

Randy wants to party this weekend but I think I would die. I will end up doing it anyways, but I will not be happy about it.

There are two cases of beer in steves trunk. He is at an overnight for the army though.


Back to bed

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Tuesday, May 14th, 2002
9:29 am
Do something, tons-of-fun.

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Sunday, April 21st, 2002
4:29 pm
Why did everybody warn me not to see AI when it first came out. I just watched it. FUCK... the movie hit me quite hard for some reason. The storyline is so perfect, it is hard to believe it was possible to put to film.

I have to run with airman tonight at nine because he didn't want to go around 2. Damned airman. I don't want to run in the dark, itll be cold and dark and I trip and break my back.

My back hurts already.

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Sunday, April 14th, 2002
4:37 pm
Y'all don't know what it's like, being male... middle class... and white.

I love doing nothing.

Poetry dot com said I won something but I still didn't get it.

I did get a ketchup pin in the mail, however.

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Thursday, April 4th, 2002
5:19 pm
The last few days... well... all of vacation.. has given me a kind of hope as to after graduation. If you think about it... this is the last spring break of highschool... and whatever you are doing now will be what you are doing until you go to college or whatever. In sharp contrast to the rest of the year, these two weeks have been pretty fun at the same time as them being extremely relaxing. I normally don't do much, but... I have to deal with alot of horseshit on the family end, as well as on the social end. I have been coming in and leaving at odd times to avoid family all together, and not having to interact with many people at all has made life quite a bit less taxing.

I have gotten the chance to lie in bed and do nothing... read... write at my own pace... and sleep whenever i didn't have to work. I don't mind work, but how little I do in school and how long it takes me to do so little due to so many studyhalls, lunches, and the SLOW pace at which everything goes makes me ill. I can honestly say that I have accomplished more mentally, physically, and goal orientedly than I could have possibly while in school.

I think that dealing with too many people may burn you out in certain ways.

I think that too muck time spent doing absolutely nothing instead of things you want to do to advance yourself probably stresses everyone out as well.

I am not trying to be at all inciteful, it i just that I am sick of looking back at a week of school and being able to say that out of 30 hours of my life being there, I have had 10 hours worth of classes and 20 hours of nothing. It also bothers me to say, out of the 10 hours... I can remember maybe 2... and out of those 2... I might have been stimulated in to learning or at least not sleeping maybe for 1. 1 out of 30.

It is all over soon, however, and my point here (although I have been digressing) is this... what you have been doing over these two weeks is pretty much what you will be doing for a long time to come. I am glad I have been enjoying it.

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Saturday, March 23rd, 2002
12:16 pm
The aftermath of a cold still sucks. I am, however, seemingly recovering quickly.

I just remembered that I missed a dep meeting this morning. Third one in a row. I am most likely going to catch shit for this one.... unless I claim ignorance or "I had such a bad cold.... I actually thought I had the hiv for a while."

Well, I have the next 2 weeks off from school. I was thinking about starting a sort of project... but I don't know what yet. That super big kite with a cord attached to the earth that I could climb up idea of Steve's wouldn't work because it is too cold out.

Once again, the thought crossed my mind to stage a high-class jewel heist. I still don't own my own tux, though. I realized this half way through setting my living room up with strings and bells like in "Entrapment".

A flying machine. Mayhaps. Talking this over with... once again, Steve... this idea sounded good. Hopping roof to roof like Santa. I don't know much about codes and regulations, and I don't want to get arrested, though. I also don't have enough cardboard and whatnot. I would have to buy a new refrigerator for the box, and then alot of tape. I don't want to buy tape.

Train two things to kill, starve them, and stage deathmatches in my basement. I still haven't found a downside to this one. I was thinking my paperboy and his friend.

Well, although these aren't my only idea... they are all I can remember right now.

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Thursday, March 21st, 2002
11:18 am
I have the worst cold ever... and I am blaming it solely on the mayonaise. Fuck egg whites... fuck oil.... fuck various preservatives... and fuck you natural sweeteners. Fuck you mayo.

I have a cute fever... and... well... drowning in your own fluids... sexy.

I suppose not going to school today makes it okay. I just hope I am unsick by the weekend. I am downing orange juice like it is noone's business, and I am an assured that OJ can kick Mayo's ass.

I have some reading to catch up on anyways. Jen gave me a james joyce short story book, some english teacher gave me a Dylan Thomas tome... and I definately recieved two books I had ordered a long time ago in the mail.

I still havent taken a shower today. Scummy kids are hot.

Popular by nada surf. Good song.

I am waiting for the tree outside my house to be uprooted by the wind. It certainly is getting the shit blown out of it. Maybe it is because I haven't been outside yet, but the wind looks crazy right now. I'm not too sure if it is as bad as it looks.

Stop, fastforward, record, rewind.

What ever happened to the legomaniac commercials on television. The kid that could build shit fast, and was all about smashing stuff. I really miss early 90's television. Nick at night... with the Doby Gillus (SP?) show and the milkman commercials, Double Dare with Mark Sommers (I never knew he has alsheimers), or Maya the Bee. I didn't even mention Pete and Pete, or Salute Your Shorts. What about the time LL Cool J had his own sitcom? Hangin' With Mr. Cooper?! MTV actually playing music... albeit Mikey Jackson, Metallica, and Collective Soul. I miss bands like Soul Asylum, too. The Nerf bow and arrow thing..... being able to get free gak by drinking koolaid drink thingies and sending in proofs of purchase... I miss all that. I remember catching wind of Kurt Cobain killing himself, or Jerry Garcia dying. I remember seeing Hook with my parents on New Years Eve one year, and thinking that I was the luckiest kid in the world. I was. I also remember getting mortal kombat on gameboy, and being one of the most popular kids on my block for a while. Isn't it funny how you remember odd things like that? I distinctly remember running down to my friends house, gameboy in hand, and hopping a fence. The fence was one of those tall wooden ones, with each post resembling a bayonet. I climbed up and got caught on a splinter. I did make it, however.. and we played MK all day... outside. It is saddening to know that I'll forget that stuff some day.

Eh, ranting is fun.

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Sunday, March 17th, 2002
6:04 pm
I ate old mayo yesterday and almost died. I got all sick and stuff. Today has been a day of recoup.

I am looking more and more forward to leaving for basic training. It is going to solve so many problems. Monetarily... I will forever afterward be set... unless I get stupid. Prospects-wise, I will be VERY set. College... SO paid for. In five years, I can come back in such a different position than I am in right now. I am just worried about the trite stuff... other than that... bah.

Noone lets me sleep anymore. The phone ALWAYS rings in the morning.

I have to start running every day again.

Hey! Groceries were just brought in to the house. I am counting more than 7 bags! Shit, kid. That's alot of food.


Steve gets home in an hour. Back to the hole I go. Between the hole, and my room... I am turning in to a hermit. I still want to go see resident evil though.

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Tuesday, March 12th, 2002
9:19 am
If I were to walk till time saw no end.
If I were to climb till the air was too thin.
I could not find a picture fit the frame.
As perfect as you.
As perfect as you.

You showed me life and lived nothing less.
Yet you're so above me.
I'll take my time you memory is bliss.
The angel above me.

When I look at the stars they shine of your eyes.
The sky it burns bright with your presence tonight.
Yet your so above me and I cannot fly.
To the angel above me I long to be with. With.

Angel above me.

To look at the mountains vast and great.
Is one step above in seeing your face.
To look at the stars for they lead the way.
To the angel above.

If I were to walk till time saw no end.
If I were to climb till the air was too thin.
I could not find a picture fit the frame.
As perfect as you.
As perfect as you.

You showed me life and lived nothing less.
Yet you're so above me.
I'll take my time you memory is bliss.
The angel above me.

When I look at the stars they shine of your eyes.
The sky it burns bright with your presence tonight.
Yet your so above me and I cannot fly.
To the angel above me I long to be with. With.

Angel above me.

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Wednesday, March 6th, 2002
3:30 pm

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3:30 pm

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